Reflection

Since we didn't have class Friday I guess I will write my reflection about the movie we saw.

I hadn't seen Lord of War before and I thought it was really good. But, I was surprised how much it affected me. I left the movie feeling really depressed and helpless. I would consider myself to be a fairly moral person and someone who likes to do the right thing. I've also always been really uncomfortable breaking the law, which probably contributes a lot to me wanting to be a lawyer. To be more specific, a criminal prosecutor. This is something that I feel has always separated me from other people my age who I sometimes think the highlight of their week is getting wasted, which may or may not be a good thing depending who you ask, as I am not judging anyone. But I guess growing up and witnessing some of the injustices that I have firsthand, I have always had an urge to fight for doing the right thing. I guess this is why I don't like breaking laws, because a society that doesn't follow laws loses its legitimacy, and therefore, its ability to protect those that need to be protected.

But, then thinking about this I am also a hypocrite, or maybe just too zealous for justice?? (which might be even worse?) because I also would be the first one to defend the illegal wiretapping by the government. This is because, even though I value my and others civil rights a lot, I feel like it did more good than harm. This reminds me in the movie when the investigator who chases Nicholas Cage's character knows he is illegally trading weapons but doesn't have the evidence to prove it. Instead of arresting him without the evidence, he chooses to let him go because he wants to follow the law. When this happened in the movie I thought of what I would have done and although I would like to say it would be an easy decision to let him go, I think I would really have to think about it because I know the effects that his guns have on people. So I guess really I'm just a messed up person whom is very conflicted. This is something I deal with a lot, especially with politics because I agree/disagree with the positions of both political parties. I've always considered myself to be a moderate conservative because I agree with slightly more things in the republican platform than I do in the democratic one, and I feel more strongly about those issues.

But going back to why I left the movie depressed and helpless, before I went off on my tangent. At the end of the movie it is exposed that the United States also sells/trades weapons. This could be to protect our self-interest in conflicts we can't afford to publicly get involved in or to support certain governments that are pro-U.S. and help them get elected. So at the end of the movie we are basically left to think about our own government and morals. This is especially hard for me because I am usually so pro-U.S., mostly because I really do believe (and think it can be proven) that the United States does more good in the world than harm. And because for the most part I think the U.S. is a fairly moral country compared to others. But after seeing all the harm that these weapons do, how can you support that? So I feel helpless because we live in a world where we are forced to do bad things, even when attempting to do good. I feel helpless because people like the investigator, who try to do the right thing, lose. Because eventually Cage's character is set free and alloweed to continue to make his living illegally. I think the reason this movie literally brought me to tears is because I am able to relate to the investigator so much in my own life. I'm not certain that I will go to law school or what exactly I will do with my life, but I have always wanted to do something to make a difference. People always talk about how corrupt the world is and how impossible it is to make a difference, I guess this movie just kind of proved it to me. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying, it just makes me see the world in a different way. I guess I've always been a pretty trusting person, too much so for my own good sometimes. But I would still like to believe that people are, for the most part, good.